I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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