he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
