she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize