I will die if light touches me.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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