so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
