I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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