capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
