When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
