I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
We need to get me chipped asap
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
