this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
well you can't waste a boner
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
