someone owes me an orgasm
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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