my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Bang-toberfest begins!!
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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