The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
