One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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