You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
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