i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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