Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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