life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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