How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Randomize
