I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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