you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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