I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
