You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
