No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
