Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
