eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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