Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
3 2 1 whiskey
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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