Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize