My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
