I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I need to align my fucking chakras
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