I'm laying in your front yard are you home
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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