It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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