that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
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