She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
