even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
