he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
