no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
