There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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