she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
