I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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