no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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