I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
