wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
