a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize