I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
