i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
