never play flip cup with pint glasses
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
