What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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