god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
