He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
