all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
