She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
