i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
