It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
