I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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