i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
