she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
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