I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Randomize
