I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
When did angry sex become our thing?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Randomize
