he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
