Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
you would pick up someone in the library
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
