My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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