So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
