they need to just BURY HIM!
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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