HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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