AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Randomize
