It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
