we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He did a backflip because drugs
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