If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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