how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
