i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
