piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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