I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Quick, to the slutcave!
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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