I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
