I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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