is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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