Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
