for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
