I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
