i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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