Don't make out with my wife yet
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
