I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
