I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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