Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
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