Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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