Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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