dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
