You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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