my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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