U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
