she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
