don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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