I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
