that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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